The bad mom story

Ok guys.

These kids are driving me insane. Like someone pooped on my floor for the third time in the last week insane.

I’m really trying to see some bright spots today, but in all seriousness my mind is locked in on the last 2-3 hour battle with our lovely children over everything that comes with dinner and bed time.

I find myself overwhelmed with anger and not the validated kind either.

I mean the anger that makes you want to literally pull your own hair out.

We don’t nap anymore, we don’t want to sleep and this momma is done fighting.

It’s moments like these that I tend to slip back to a mindset my therapist calls the bad mom story.

Let me explain:

“My children had to listen to me lose my cool for the last however long as I seriously put every child to bed a minimum of 5 times. This makes me a bad mom.”

“I can’t get my children to take naps even when we are all emotionally exhausted around 12pm unless we are in the car. Today when I tried that the bigger boys called me a butt and told me they hated me. I must be a bad mom.”

“When I took the giant hoard of children, by myself, to the museum today after our attempt at car naps (Mr. Misadventure works tonight) I got emotionally fried by the amount of people there and the laughter that followed us everywhere we went with our full double stroller and a 4yo on each side. Bad mom for sure.”

“When I had both sets buddy up, my 4yo bio and my 4yo foster son let go of each other and there was a good 6 minutes where I couldn’t find bio 4. Thankfully a kind couple found him and had him sit beside them as I rushed (ha.) the 3 other children to the last place I saw him running. There was an older lady with them that made sure to tell me not to forget my other two as we all walked off and they followed behind the olders. Clearly bad mom territory.”

Hopefully you get the idea.

And before anyone starts their “oh you have your hands full” or “I’m so sorry hun” or even “it’s just a bad day tomorrow will be better.” Let me express that this wasn’t even our worst day this week… or month (see my last post).

This is just a normal day.

A normal day with 2 boys that only get to see their parents an hour each a week. A normal day with my bio children who miss their mommy being all theirs. A normal day with an exhausted pair of parents and 4 children screaming for love and attention that they all deserve.

And let me tell you, I’m never going to be able to give them 100% of what they need. No one can. Even if we just had our bio boy4 and bio girl2 I wouldn’t be 100% of what they need.

Being a mom, a foster mom, a friend. A wife, and a daughter has taught me probably the most important thing I’ve learned in life. God did not put me or anyone else on this earth to be any one persons everything. He put me here to point them to the one person who can be and is if they want him.

So sure today kinda sucked in some places.

But, when bio4 got separated he went to an adult and told them he needed to sit and wait for his mommy, Mrs. Amanda, because she “will find me if I stay still.”

When everyone was laughing at the giant group of kids, I overheard someone saying how cute they were buddying up with their siblings.

When we were in the car letting the littles sleep on the way to the museum I got to talk to my 18 yo little sister who is growing up way too fast and just amazes me at all she has accomplished.

And finally even though I lost my cool tonight and got super flustered each one of my children bio and non told me they loved me and couldn’t wait to see me in the morning when they woke up.

So sure, I may not be the worlds greatest mom, wife, sister or whatever else I am. But at the end of the day I know who to go to and cast my burdens on. So maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad.

Come to me all who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28